Fucking Monday
On another typical Monday morning,
Elaine found herself drinking her third cup of coffee before ten o’clock. She
was trying to make time out of thin air. Time. Something that seemed so plentiful
last Friday afternoon and had now become a priceless entity. She couldn’t
afford to lose even a second as she worked beyond diligently to finish her
article, “Why Women Want War.” The CEO would be in today and would personally
read it himself! (This was a tad intimidating since she had never actually met
or seen that man before). It was going to be her breaking, just-like-the-movies
article that everyone read and shared around the world; people would laugh,
cry, and reflect on their lives. It was going to make her famous and allow her
to not only keep her job, but also branch out and work for herself, her life
dream.
Elaine had written dozens of
articles for the New York Times and about fifty freelance articles to magazines
around the City, but nothing had made her a name yet. This was the article that
would do it. She just needed to find her voice. That’s what the weekend was
for.
She went out Friday night. It was
pretty tame and usual for her: she went to a bar, met some friends, had a drink
or two, and went home, the end. It was
Friday night/Saturday morning while lying in her bed that Elaine decided she
needed an adventure and Saturday and Sunday would be that adventure.
First thing Saturday morning,
Elaine packed her bags for a night and headed toward the mountains. It was
“find an adventure” time! As she headed up the hiking trail with a blue tag
(moderate level), she looked on her Tinder to see if any potential mates were
available. She came across 5 guys in the area worth hooking up with. WOW! A
hook up in the woods. What an adventure!
The first man she came across on
the hiking trail was downright hot. He had a beard, muscles, chiseled jaw. No
wedding ring, no one else around; Elaine could make this work. She asked him a few questions to try and start
a conversation, but he just was not interested. She tried to act like she had
no idea where she was on the trail, but that only seemed to annoy the man. He
even muttered under his breath, “Who gets lost in the first half mile of the
trail??” Smooth, Elaine.
Elaine decided to move on, and now
she had more determination to find an adventure. Who needs that guy anyway! He
wasn’t “ALL THAT!” But the quick, though slight, rejection still played in her
mind. Over and over again. She soon began to question her appearance, body
odor, was it her breath? Then she thought maybe this was her adventure! Or at
least her article that she had been waiting to write. “Why Men are Pigs!” no
not that’s good. He wasn’t a pig, but what was he? Arrogant? Maybe, but what was
the psychology behind it all. It was like a cat and dog fight, like, a war or
rivalry!!
The rest of the weekend Elaine
thought and drafted about her story. She had Subject A (herself) meets Subject
B (man in the woods) which should have resulted in Adventure C (sexcapades) but
instead ended with Rejection D (WAR!!!) But what did it mean!?
Monday was flying by. Lunch had
flown by because there was no time for it! The CEO would be reading stories and
articles at 4! It was almost 3 now, and Elaine only had an article of jibber
jabber. Then she realized her story was right. The title was wrong! Women don’t
want war. Women want Adventure C!!! He was being a prudent pussy, not her! So Elaine proudly changed her title, added a few
comments here and there about men being bigger pussies, and printed a draft to
be read.
Elaine was still feeling the high
of finishing her great story as she entered the conference room. She walked
straight to her boss who was conversing near the head of the conference table. “Elaine!
I’d like to introduce you to Dan Cormack, our CEO.” A bearded, muscular man
with a chiseled jaw turned toward Elaine. “Fuck,” she muttered.
